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177 [17 Oct 2009|03:02am] [ music | Muse / Black Holes and Revelations / Starlight ] (note: Free Fallin' by Tom Petty ranked #177 on Rolling Stone’s The 500 Greatest Songs of All Time.) waiting for wintergrasp to queue. go go! oddly enough, since the last post... i flew out to California for New Year's. And then again in April. And then in May i moved here. So now I live with LOVELY Chelsea, AWESOME Willy, HILARIOUS Blake, and my AMAZING hubby Andy. We decorated for halloween! And tomorrow we're gonna get pumpkins hopefully. However, sadly enough, I won't be able to make it out to NC for Thanksgiving, and everyday it looks worse for me getting out there at Christmas too. Can't believe I've been dating this kid almost a year! We are not too mushy, not too hostile, just right. They play Muse on the radio out here! It's crazy! But they play the hell out of MGMT too. sadly. wondering what school i should go to and where i should work. Plus, where the heck should we move to after simi? WG popped! bbl <3 1 | o

176 [18 Dec 2008|07:35pm] [ music | Bloc Party / Intimacy / Mercury ] (note: 176 is the maximum top speed of a chocobo in Final Fantasy VII.) christmas is stupid. i'm hoping to get to California for New Year's. work is nice, class is over. boys are confusing. beer and rum are delicious. jimmy john's is great too. snow would be nice. i only asked for four things for christmas (chucks, dark knight, wall-e, and pink perfume from victoria secret.) it should snow. THE END. 2 | o

175 [31 Aug 2008|12:15am] [ music | Islands / Arm's Way / The Arm ] (note: A regulation Ultimate frisbee weighs 175 grams.) i'm tired of america. who's down for canada? antarctica? maybe mars? if we populate pluto, can it be a planet? next galaxy over maybe? one of the most intelligent people i've ever met wrote a book and called it "Don't ever argue about politics or religion." facebook groups are now nothing but forums for discontent about current presidential candidates. don't people have better things to think about? it's one thing to decide why YOU support someone's ideas, and an entirely different thing to force / argue / impose your ideas onto other people. Just agree to disagree and move on. Please? I'm so lost in between who i want to be and who i am and who i don't ever want to resemble. capitalism? marxism? christian? atheist? liberal? conservative? straight? gay? pro-choice? pro-life? how can one person decide so forcefully and finally who and what they are when all of these areas are so obviously just muddy puddles of grey? a few weeks ago i made the off-the-cuff comment that Christianity was my "soul insurance." someone jumped straight into debate mode and when i chose not to rise to the occasion and support or defend or in any way discuss my beliefs, i actually angered him. Since when does pacifism anger people? I thought by being pacifist, the whole point was to NOT anger people or myself? I dunno. I guess, in the end, what does it all matter? The pro-lifers say every life should count. But what is one human life when there are 6,709,184,964 more to tend to? We all die some day. What will it matter on your death bed if you were episcopalian, mormon, or agnostic? What will it matter if you were a republican, democrat, or independent? What will it matter if you were straight or gay? You're just another person dying in a hospital bed so some new soul can make it's grand entrance in a tiny wrinkly pink ball of skin. Besides... if you'd had the choice to begin with, would you really want to be born in this time, on this planet, to these issues and arguments and worries? Will they ever get better or would you ever want to be born at all? I guess my bottom line is... why bother? o

174 [06 Aug 2008|01:43am] [ music | The Delgados / Hate / The Light Before We Land ] (note:174 is an abundant number with the abundance of 12.) i'm lonely. melancholy. dejected. depressed. confused. defective. incomplete. trying so hard to pretend i'm perfectly content to be by myself. i don't want to be saved. i want something new and fresh and unknown to me. i don't want anything in my life right now. i want to start over. can i have another chance? maybe? please? erase everything and go back to before. i feel so weak admitting that i could be happier. o

173 [29 Jul 2008|12:10am] [ music | CSS / Donkey / Move ] (note: In The Sandlot, the Beast ate 173 guys!) fell out of my chair twice last night while running underbog. keep trying to figure out how to take pictures with glow in the dark vampire teeth. realized NPR's All Songs Considered podcast is a total indie orgasm. watched some more horror flicks (Cave, Ruins, Event Horizon). is my love of gore and terror normal? just got over being a festering pyretic pile of germs and lived to tell the tale. falling in love with new miscellaneous bands. wondering if Christian Bale is married? (shit. yes. since 2000.) have to work in 9.5 hours, but that's ok cause my job rocks. subscribed to Grammar Girl's podcast cause i'm a dork. guess i should go read before bed. bout time i finish Player Piano. addicted to One Tree Hill, sadly. Oh Chad Michael! wanna go dancing to twist my hips. rejected by the japanese 101 prof for lack of classroom space for my fat ass. never really though about phrasal verbs until last night. who came up with that shit? and can i start catching myself using them so i can stop? shit! i started this entry with one. didn't i? you know how people always say "who reads this thing anyways blah blah bitch bitch blah?" how silly. i write this for me. so i'll never forget what i was like at each stage in my life. i can look back and see how stupid i was when i was in high school. and how naive i was when i started college. and how lost in someone else's world i was last year. and how cynical i am presently. and then someday i'll look back and see how much i changed and grew and possibly went astray. que sera. so it goes. i should really practice my poetry to learn how to be concise, eh? <3 just can't stop. get it get it. o

172 [11 Jul 2008|03:25am] [ music | Coldplay / Viva la Vida / Viva la Vida ] (note: On June 11 172 the Roman army was encircled by the Quadi. Under intense heat, a violent thunderstorm swept away the Quadi in a torrent of water and mud, and refreshed the parched legionnaires.) i wish i could get more out in less words. ( i, i, and i. ) goodnight, love. maybe tomorrow i'll understand you a little more. o

171 [07 Jul 2008|01:31am] [ music | Neutral Milk Hotel / In the Aeroplane Over the Sea / Two-Headed Boy ] (note: 171 is a Harshad number (divisible by the sum of its digits), a palindromic number, and an undulating number.) I hit a deer a few nights ago. I was driving along in the night with my windows down singing really loud to Jimmy Eat World's Bleed American and then i saw a deer. Then i hit the deer. Then the deer scampered off into the woods. I think i lost whatever few moments were in between. She broke my headlight and dented my hood, but I think she got away ok. There was no blood. Just the slightest little bit of her fur still clinging to my car if only to make me cry all the more when i pulled into the empty parking lot to see what damage had been done. I cried. I cried like a baby. I bawled after only the two shortest minutes in my life of trying to tell myself to be calm and drive the few feet to get out of the road. I bawled into the phone at my mother who told me to calm down and stop crying. And then we worked out how to scam over my insurance company because i hadn't paid for my registration or my current auto insurance bill. then i got in my car. i turned on my brights since my driver's side low beams were smashed in tiny glass and plastic pieces along yadkinville rd. i turned off Jimmy Eat World's Bleed American. I rolled up my windows. I sat with my back straight and my hands at ten and two. I pulled into my driveway. I turned off the lights. I closed the car door. I went inside and i went to bed, curled up next to my dog and only thinking of how i might have killed something bigger than a bug. And then the next morning happened. I ran late for work because i took a shower and kept trying to clean the bathtub floor and rinse all the soapscum off my shampoo bottle bottoms. I did my makeup and got dressed and put my dog away. I drove down the road and panicked at the sight of something small and bubble shaped crossing the road on four legs. I made sure to go around him and turned off into a parking lot as soon as i could to turn around and go back. He made it to the side of the street before i got there. In one piece, thank god. His shell was bigger than my hand and his head had red and yellow stripes. He peed when i picked him up and i giggled next to morning traffic as i held him out and carried him to my car. I put him in a box after i tossed out all the books Edward Mckay wouldn't take. He peed in the box too, but i didn't care. I drove to the park. I parked. I walked. We went into the woods and i found a stream. I set him down and turned around to let him have a moment. A splash. Silence. I turned around and he was swimming to the other side, under the water, under the leaves, under the earth. Somehow i walked away and felt that mother nature gave me a chance to make it up to her. But i'm sure i would have tried to save him either way. I hope she's ok somewhere. I hope he is too. I named him Wordley. Turtley Wordley. I can't listen to Jimmy Eat World's Bleed American in the car anymore for fear i might hit something again. o

170 [30 May 2008|01:58am] [ music | Yeah Yeah Yeah's / Fever to Tell / Maps ] (note: 170 is the largest number for which Google's built-in calculator function can compute the factorial.) it's that time again. i only feel ok when i'm driving with my windows down, toothpaste taste on my lips and smoke inside my mouth. it's the one thing that hasn't changed since high school. every little thing is dragging memories from the darkest, cobwebbiest corners of this massive space inside my skull. i want to write again. i feel like there's so much under my tongue just waiting to be said, written, expressed. my right brain says i want to apologize to every person i've forgotten and every person i think about missing. my left brain says to run away fast on feet fueled by the desire to forget and the will to exist alone. sometimes i just wish i could control my emotions. i can tell myself to stop until i go red in the face, but it doesn't mean i have the self confidence or control to do so. it's just so hard to rely on yourself for happiness sometimes. isn't it just easier to pawn it off on someone else and blame them when everything falls apart? someday i will. o

169 [18 Apr 2008|11:26pm] [ music | Michael Jackson / Thriller / Billie Jean ] (center: 132=169.) there's a guy at the grocery store. he's cute. we're going on a date on friday. but i'm a cradle robber, so it may end badly. at least he's legal. i've been watching veronica mars for the past week. season 1 and season 2. i get so lost in it when i'm watching it. i come back to reality and realize how much my life blows. it's just so dull. not that i'd want my best friend (or lack thereof) to die so i could solve her murder. or my boyfriend (or lack thereof) to flee the country with his dead ex's daughter. maybe just a splash of excitement or intrigue. or even good old home grown romance. or maybe just a touch of that sassy wit veronica has. that would do nicely. and thanks, steve, for this amazing soundtrack to a friday night. o

168 [08 Apr 2008|02:27am] [ music | Deathcab for Cutie / Plans / Soul Meets Body ] (note: there are 168 hours in a week... and 168 pips in a domino set.) the guy that made those little reflective things on the road to distinguish lanes? yeh. his name was Botts. they're called Botts' dots. i wish something rhymed with corbin. 2 | o

167 [17 Mar 2008|08:42pm] [ music | Kylie Minogue / Fever / Come Into My World ] (note: some other guy's blog said: "random fact #167:The world's longest burp lasted 2 years and 17 days, done by Mr F. Hapsfield of Kent, UK. But the record books wouldn't allow it as it was aided by the use of an adapted iron lung.) i've got an interview for a new job. some management position in greensboro. kind of excited. more money. more work. more time to forget and whatnot. why can i only write beautiful words when i'm quietly alone in my room after some angry spat or emotional turmoil? My mom and i argued yesterday about the dvd The Secret. she wants me to watch it. i refuse. it's silly. who wants to be happy all the time? without unhappiness, wouldnt you constantly be striving to be happier? And not only that, but without unhappiness, how can one have happiness at all? And then there's the issue that only when people have problems do they ask questions and better themselves and their surroundings... or at least look for new approaches. she argued and said that people don't have to be unhappy to create something new. i said cars. she said people were searching for new things. but would they have searched for something new if they had been completely happy and content with life? NO. duh. happiness is an illusion. you can feel whatever you make yourself feel. i tell myself i'm happy, i can be happy. i tell myself i'm angry or upset or pissed off or mischievous, i can be angry or upset or pissed off or mischievous. why do i need a dvd to tell me what i already know? like right now. i tell myself i feel nothing. and i don't. i look at the other patrons of this little corporate cafe, lost in their small talk and their laptops and their endlessly unsatisfying cups of sumatran blend, and i don't think. not until i tell myself to feel something. and then i feel alone. but does alone automatically constitute unhappiness or happiness or any emotional disposition at all? no. so i'm alone in this well lit cavern with 19 other people who are just as alone as i will ever be. que sera. i'm ok with alone. but for how long? wow that was long. sorry guys. rambling. you know the drill. sometimes i can't decide whether lonely is a good feeling or a bad feeling. o

166 [08 Mar 2008|04:42pm] [ music | Morrissey / You Are the Quarry / Let Me Kiss You ] (note: 166 is a centered triangular number.) Qué linda manito que tengo yo, qué linda y blanquita que Dios me dio Qué lindos ojitos que tengo yo, qué lindos y negritos que Dios me dio Qué linda boquita que tengo yo, qué linda y rojita que Dios me dio Qué lindas paticas que tengo yo, qué lindas y gorditas que Dios me dio. o

165 [27 Feb 2008|07:44pm] [ music | The Beatles / 1 / Let It Be ] (note: 165 is a binary palindromic number - 10100101.) i've been reading a whole bunch since i don't have the internet anymore. i finished the other boleyn girl at 7am yesterday and then read an inconvenient truth and now i'm on 1984. i've done a bunch of arts and crafts and cooking too. its so damned domestic. i made stationary with soap and food coloring and straws. and then i made cookies and decorated them with icing. they all had words like "cunt" and "choad" in pretty colored icing. and then it was spray paint and lichtenstein and hilary clinton. and then came brownies with ghirardelli dark squares on top. and then magnets with bush and sarah silverman and the oatmeal man. and then the cake. yes. i baked a cake. and spent an hour decorating it. and then i cleaned my car for five hours cause SOMEONE said i needed to. it's getting worse. if i don't get another job soon, i'll morph into a brunette, younger, smarter version of martha stewart... with less of a bitch face. dude. that could be kind of hot. <3 ps: stop getting plastic bags when you go shopping, fucktards. o

164 [11 Feb 2008|10:54pm] [ music | Bat for Lashes / Fur and Gold / What's a Girl to Do? ] (note: On a Scrabble board, there are 164 squares that have neither word nor letter multipliers.) i just found out that one of those happily married couples has a bun in the oven. ugh. yeh. im just never gonna get married. i'd ruin children. and i'll always be too young to have kids. o

163 [10 Feb 2008|04:14pm] [ music | Aqueduct / I Sold Gold / The Suggestion Box ] (note: www.163.com is worth approx 761.6 million USD as of April 2006, and maintains 1600 employees as of February 2006.) i came to a realization five minutes ago that i've been avoiding for years. i am not the type of girl that men marry. i am the type of girl who becomes a mistress. so many of my "friends" from high school have gotten engaged or married in the past year, despite the fact that they are all between 18 and 22. They all seem so naively happy. Like... they're the types of couples who will have the 2.5 kids and the two story brick house and the SUV and the golden retriever and the beige carpet and the season tickets to Tarheel games. and i'm conflicted. every little girl dreams of her wedding, despite whether or not she is bisexual, homosexual, or straight. so did i. long ago. and what's saddest is that every time i ring some customer up who looks like the "marrying type" of guy, i wonder if he sees me as anything more than a rebellious little girl. do i want to revert to the quiet, sophisticated, elegant woman that all my high school "friends" were when they became engaged? do i want to sacrifice my identity and individuality that sets me apart from those mindless women whom i do NOT want to become just to find someone who might consider marrying me so that i can have that simple life without having to worry about money? they won't worry about food or bills or new manicures or trips to the spa. I mean really. LOOK at the rocks those boys bought them. what's most depressing is that every time i see a jewelry commercial on television, i laugh to myself and think "this is a commercial about rocks. literally... rocks." i always say i'd rather have a new car or a nicer honeymoon than a huge ring that i'll probably lose. and while that is ridiculously reasonable, would i really rather have the car or the honeymoon... or the wedding at all? 5 | o

162 [07 Feb 2008|04:28pm] [ music | Regina Spektor / Begin to Hope / Fidelity ] (note: each team plays 162baseball games during a regular season in Major League Baseball.) sometimes it really annoys me how much i am NOT like my own family. one of my teenage nieces posted ( (this) ) in a myspace bulletin yesterday. in other news, i finished Female Chauvinist Pigs. It was eye-opening and slightly mind blowing. Dammit. i also made some more magnets. well... not yet. i have to go get the magnets for the back. right now, theyre just painted glass rocks. there's this kid at work. and i think you get what i'm saying. it's creepy how well he reads me though. i'm such a bluffer. we drove around yesterday and went to 6th and vine. i had a duck quesadilla. it was YUMMY. and we talked about writing. will it ever be possible for me to hang out with someone who isn't an artist in one way or another? ps: regina spektor was on conan last night and i missed it cause i fell asleep... and SOMEONE didn't wake me up til after she was done. LAMESAUCE. 2 | o

161 [04 Feb 2008|02:26am] [ music | Ryan Adams / Heartbreaker / Come Pick Me Up ] (note: 161kilometers = 100 miles, and the landlocked country of Liechtenstein has a land area of 161 square kilometers, thus making it 100 square miles.) poor kid. o

160 [03 Feb 2008|01:00am] [ music | Ok Go / Ok Go / C-c-c-cinnamon Lips ] (note: 160 is the sum of the first 11 primes, as well as the sum of the cubes of the first three primes.) sometimes i wish i could have a normal, typical, generic, contented, innocent, naive relationship. and then i remember that i'm insane. and an aries. don't ever tell anybody anything. if you do, you start missing everybody. 2 | o

159 [31 Jan 2008|02:13am] [ music | Grandaddy / Under the Western Freeway / A.M. 180 ] (note:NGC 159 is a galaxy in the constellation of Phoenix.) i am SO tired of all these effing Americans remaking Asian (mostly Japanese) horror flicks. 1) Ringu, 2 2) Ju-on, 2 3) Dark Water 4) The Eye (Chinese) 5) One Missed Call, 2 6) Pulse I'm just waiting for Audition, Suicide Club, and The Host. God forbid they steal Korean films like The Ghost. What's really odd though... is the ones they've stolen from Japan all have the same type of antagonist. The teenage girl with long, clingy hair that appears out of nowhere to wreak revenge on unsuspecting and mostly unrelated victims... usually having drowned or otherwise been killed in cold blood. Audition, Suicide Club, and The Host follow entirely different plotlines. Granted, so do The Eye and Pulse. Maybe we're finally branching out. Holy shit! A little variety is the spice of life. Hell, maybe someday Americans will be able to write their own horror film screenplays. Astonishing thought, i know. On a completely unrelated note, apparently I've rented over a hundred some odd movies in the past year... in addition to getting 16 movies free. Can Blockbuster print out a list of the movies i've rented in the past year? INSANITY. I'm addicted. I started reading Brit films magazines too... them shits is expensive. Empire and Total Film are $10! Kind of depressing that Empire has Heath Ledger as The Joker on the cover of it. Apparently he really took on the role, spending an entire month just sitting alone in a hotel room reading the comics and writing ideas in journals. Hell, to follow in Jack Nicholson's footsteps must have been daunting. Poor kid. Did anyone else think 3:10 to Yuma was slightly over rated? 2 | o

158 [22 Jan 2008|12:14am] [ music | The Arcade Fire / Neon Bible / Windowsill ] (note: In the Israeli movie Operation Grandma ("Mivtza Safta", מבצע סבתא), the number 158 is implied to be a classified high-rank officer position.) Just thought you should know... one more email from my sister. Something to think about while determining who to vote for. This is very interesting - please take a few moments and read it Who is Barack Obama? Something that should be considered when you make your choice. If you do not ever forward anything else, please forward this to all your contacts...it is very scary to think of what could lie ahead for us here in our own United States...better heed this and pray about it and share it. We checked this out on "snopes.com". It is factual. Check for yourself. Who is Barack Obama? Probable U. S. presidential candidate, Barack Hussein Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii, to Barack Hussein Obama, Sr., a black MUSLIM from Nyangoma-Kogel, Kenya and Ann Dunham, a white Athiest from Wichita, Kansas. Obama's parents met at the University of Hawaii. When Obama was two years old, his parents divorced. His father returned to Kenya. His mother then married Lolo Soetoro, a RADICAL Muslim from Indonesia. When Obama was 6 years old, the family relocated to Indonesia. Obama attended a MUSLIM school in Jakarta. He also spent two years in a Catholic school. Obama takes great care to conceal the fact that he is a Muslim. He is quick to point out that, "He was once a Muslim, but that he also attended Catholic school." Obama's political handlers are attempting to make it appear that that he is not a radical. Obama's introduction to Islam came via his father, and that this influence was temporary at best. In reality, the senior Obama returned to Kenya soon after the divorce, and never again had any direct influence over his son's education. Lolo Soetoro, the second husband of Obama's mother, Ann Dunham, introduced his stepson to Islam. Obama was enrolled in a Wahabi school in Jakarta. Wahabism is the RADICAL ISLAMIC teaching that is followed by the Muslim terrorists who are now waging Jihad against the western world. Since it is politically expedient to be a CHRISTIAN when seeking major public office in the United States, Barack Hussein Obama has joined the United Church of Christ in an attempt to downplay his Muslim background. ALSO, keep in mind that when he was sworn into office he DID NOT use the Holy Bible, but instead the Koran. Barack Hussein Obama will NOT recite the Pledge of Allegience nor will he show any reverence for our flag. While others place their hands over their hearts, Obama turns his back to the flag and slouches. Let us all remain alert concerning Obama's expected presidential candidacy. The Muslims have said they plan on destroying the US from the inside out, what better way to start than at the highest level - through the President of the United States, one of their own!!!! Please forward to everyone you know. Would you want this man leading our country?...... NOT ME!!! I hit reply all and said: "Something to think about when determining who to vote for." 1) Snopes.com is a site listing a number of urban legends and falicies, including three about Barack Obama particularly: - False: Illinois senator Barack Obama is a "radical Muslim" who "will not recite the Pledge of Allegiance." - False: Barack Obama was sworn into office on the Quran. - False: Illinois senator Barack Obama is a racist whose church has a "non-negotiable commitment to Africa" that is covertly Muslim and excludes non-blacks. The website states CLEARLY that these three statements are NOT true. Check the facts before you forward. 2) According to WIkipedia.com (a well known GOVERNMENT edited online encyclopedia) Barack's natural father (Obama Sr.) left when Barack was 2 years old to pursue a PhD at Harvard before returning to Kenya. In addition, it states that his stepfather was" a man who saw religion as not particularly useful." These words are taken directly from Chapter 6 of The Audacity of Hope, Obama's own autobiography. Do they SOUND like radical muslims? If anything, they are purely atheist, which while unsettling is NOT RADICAL MUSLIM. 3) From ages 6-10 Obama attended Basuki School in Indonesia which is a PUBLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. In fact, when Hilary Clinton addressed the issue, believing that Obama had attended a Muslim school, CNN correspondent John Vause PERSONALLY VISITED the school and reported that it was a PUBLIC school for ALL FAITHS. It was founded by DUTCH people, who, before secularization, identified with CHRISTIANITY. In addition, starting in fifth grade, he attended Panahou School in Hawaii which is a private college prep school. Do they SOUND like radical Muslim schools to train in terrorism? A Muslim college prep school in Hawaii! COME ON. So PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE check your sources before you decide to send such ridiculously libel-ridden propaganda. <3 R. Corbin 3 | o

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