...

177

2009-10-17T10:09:40Z

(note: Free Fallin' by Tom Petty ranked #177 on Rolling Stone’s The 500 Greatest Songs of All Time.)

waiting for wintergrasp to queue. go go!

oddly enough, since the last post... i flew out to California for New Year's. And then again in April. And then in May i moved here. So now I live with LOVELY Chelsea, AWESOME Willy, HILARIOUS Blake, and my AMAZING hubby Andy. We decorated for halloween! And tomorrow we're gonna get pumpkins hopefully. However, sadly enough, I won't be able to make it out to NC for Thanksgiving, and everyday it looks worse for me getting out there at Christmas too. Can't believe I've been dating this kid almost a year! We are not too mushy, not too hostile, just right.

They play Muse on the radio out here! It's crazy! But they play the hell out of MGMT too. sadly. wondering what school i should go to and where i should work. Plus, where the heck should we move to after simi?

WG popped! bbl <3

176

2008-12-19T03:01:12Z

(note: 176 is the maximum top speed of a chocobo in Final Fantasy VII.)

christmas is stupid. i'm hoping to get to California for New Year's. work is nice, class is over. boys are confusing. beer and rum are delicious. jimmy john's is great too. snow would be nice. i only asked for four things for christmas (chucks, dark knight, wall-e, and pink perfume from victoria secret.) it should snow. THE END.

175

2008-08-31T04:33:34Z

(note: A regulation Ultimate frisbee weighs 175 grams.)

i'm tired of america. who's down for canada? antarctica? maybe mars? if we populate pluto, can it be a planet? next galaxy over maybe?

one of the most intelligent people i've ever met wrote a book and called it "Don't ever argue about politics or religion." facebook groups are now nothing but forums for discontent about current presidential candidates. don't people have better things to think about? it's one thing to decide why YOU support someone's ideas, and an entirely different thing to force / argue / impose your ideas onto other people. Just agree to disagree and move on. Please?

I'm so lost in between who i want to be and who i am and who i don't ever want to resemble. capitalism? marxism? christian? atheist? liberal? conservative? straight? gay? pro-choice? pro-life? how can one person decide so forcefully and finally who and what they are when all of these areas are so obviously just muddy puddles of grey?

a few weeks ago i made the off-the-cuff comment that Christianity was my "soul insurance." someone jumped straight into debate mode and when i chose not to rise to the occasion and support or defend or in any way discuss my beliefs, i actually angered him. Since when does pacifism anger people? I thought by being pacifist, the whole point was to NOT anger people or myself?

I dunno. I guess, in the end, what does it all matter? The pro-lifers say every life should count. But what is one human life when there are 6,709,184,964 more to tend to? We all die some day. What will it matter on your death bed if you were episcopalian, mormon, or agnostic? What will it matter if you were a republican, democrat, or independent? What will it matter if you were straight or gay? You're just another person dying in a hospital bed so some new soul can make it's grand entrance in a tiny wrinkly pink ball of skin.

Besides... if you'd had the choice to begin with, would you really want to be born in this time, on this planet, to these issues and arguments and worries? Will they ever get better or would you ever want to be born at all? I guess my bottom line is...

why bother?

174

2008-08-06T05:57:08Z

(note:174 is an abundant number with the abundance of 12.)

i'm lonely.
melancholy.
dejected.
depressed.
confused.
defective.
incomplete.
trying so hard to pretend i'm perfectly content to be by myself.

i don't want to be saved. i want something new and fresh and unknown to me. i don't want anything in my life right now. i want to start over. can i have another chance? maybe? please? erase everything and go back to before. i feel so weak admitting that i could be happier.

173

2008-07-29T04:35:25Z

(note: In The Sandlot, the Beast ate 173 guys!)

fell out of my chair twice last night while running underbog. keep trying to figure out how to take pictures with glow in the dark vampire teeth. realized NPR's All Songs Considered podcast is a total indie orgasm. watched some more horror flicks (Cave, Ruins, Event Horizon). is my love of gore and terror normal? just got over being a festering pyretic pile of germs and lived to tell the tale. falling in love with new miscellaneous bands. wondering if Christian Bale is married? (shit. yes. since 2000.) have to work in 9.5 hours, but that's ok cause my job rocks. subscribed to Grammar Girl's podcast cause i'm a dork. guess i should go read before bed. bout time i finish Player Piano. addicted to One Tree Hill, sadly. Oh Chad Michael! wanna go dancing to twist my hips. rejected by the japanese 101 prof for lack of classroom space for my fat ass. never really though about phrasal verbs until last night. who came up with that shit? and can i start catching myself using them so i can stop? shit! i started this entry with one. didn't i?

you know how people always say "who reads this thing anyways blah blah bitch bitch blah?" how silly. i write this for me. so i'll never forget what i was like at each stage in my life. i can look back and see how stupid i was when i was in high school. and how naive i was when i started college. and how lost in someone else's world i was last year. and how cynical i am presently. and then someday i'll look back and see how much i changed and grew and possibly went astray. que sera. so it goes.

i should really practice my poetry to learn how to be concise, eh?

<3 just can't stop. get it get it.

172

2008-07-11T07:34:40Z

(note: On June 11 172 the Roman army was encircled by the Quadi. Under intense heat, a violent thunderstorm swept away the Quadi in a torrent of water and mud, and refreshed the parched legionnaires.)

i wish i could get more out in less words.

i'm tired.
i've been drinking.
i caught him staring a couple times.
i spent $8 in a juke box.
i ate new york pizza.
i got $13k for school.
i'm melancholy again.
i think i'd like a psych.
i'm annoyed but chipper.
i can't think.
i want to stay in my own bed tonight.
i miss you.
i don't.
i smoked cigarettes after a 11 days of quitting.
i'm sitting here at this computer that isn't mine.
i wonder if you have as much personal stuff on here as i do on mine.
i always wonder if you'll ever read this.
i know you won't.
i miss the night we made poetry on the refrigerator.
i don't like you.
i don't love you.
i don't need you.
i'm confused.
i sang out loud to all the songs i picked.
i don't know if i like your new friends.
i feel so old.
i feel so young.
i feel so much that contradicts.
i want my glow in the dark sheets.
i don't want to have to drive so far to see you.
i don't want you to think this is about you.
i want to curl up in bed and red player piano.
i want you to see how good i could be for you.
i don't want you to fall in love with me.
i have a headache suddenly.
i like the new coldplay.
i'm tired.

goodnight, love. maybe tomorrow i'll understand you a little more.

171

2008-07-07T05:45:31Z

(note: 171 is a Harshad number (divisible by the sum of its digits), a palindromic number, and an undulating number.)

I hit a deer a few nights ago. I was driving along in the night with my windows down singing really loud to Jimmy Eat World's Bleed American and then i saw a deer. Then i hit the deer. Then the deer scampered off into the woods. I think i lost whatever few moments were in between.

She broke my headlight and dented my hood, but I think she got away ok. There was no blood. Just the slightest little bit of her fur still clinging to my car if only to make me cry all the more when i pulled into the empty parking lot to see what damage had been done. I cried. I cried like a baby. I bawled after only the two shortest minutes in my life of trying to tell myself to be calm and drive the few feet to get out of the road. I bawled into the phone at my mother who told me to calm down and stop crying. And then we worked out how to scam over my insurance company because i hadn't paid for my registration or my current auto insurance bill.

then i got in my car. i turned on my brights since my driver's side low beams were smashed in tiny glass and plastic pieces along yadkinville rd. i turned off Jimmy Eat World's Bleed American. I rolled up my windows. I sat with my back straight and my hands at ten and two. I pulled into my driveway. I turned off the lights. I closed the car door. I went inside and i went to bed, curled up next to my dog and only thinking of how i might have killed something bigger than a bug.

And then the next morning happened.

I ran late for work because i took a shower and kept trying to clean the bathtub floor and rinse all the soapscum off my shampoo bottle bottoms. I did my makeup and got dressed and put my dog away. I drove down the road and panicked at the sight of something small and bubble shaped crossing the road on four legs. I made sure to go around him and turned off into a parking lot as soon as i could to turn around and go back. He made it to the side of the street before i got there. In one piece, thank god. His shell was bigger than my hand and his head had red and yellow stripes. He peed when i picked him up and i giggled next to morning traffic as i held him out and carried him to my car.

I put him in a box after i tossed out all the books Edward Mckay wouldn't take. He peed in the box too, but i didn't care. I drove to the park. I parked. I walked. We went into the woods and i found a stream. I set him down and turned around to let him have a moment. A splash. Silence. I turned around and he was swimming to the other side, under the water, under the leaves, under the earth.

Somehow i walked away and felt that mother nature gave me a chance to make it up to her. But i'm sure i would have tried to save him either way. I hope she's ok somewhere. I hope he is too. I named him Wordley. Turtley Wordley. I can't listen to Jimmy Eat World's Bleed American in the car anymore for fear i might hit something again.

170

2008-05-30T06:11:30Z

(note: 170 is the largest number for which Google's built-in calculator function can compute the factorial.)

it's that time again. i only feel ok when i'm driving with my windows down, toothpaste taste on my lips and smoke inside my mouth. it's the one thing that hasn't changed since high school. every little thing is dragging memories from the darkest, cobwebbiest corners of this massive space inside my skull.

i want to write again. i feel like there's so much under my tongue just waiting to be said, written, expressed. my right brain says i want to apologize to every person i've forgotten and every person i think about missing. my left brain says to run away fast on feet fueled by the desire to forget and the will to exist alone.

sometimes i just wish i could control my emotions. i can tell myself to stop until i go red in the face, but it doesn't mean i have the self confidence or control to do so. it's just so hard to rely on yourself for happiness sometimes. isn't it just easier to pawn it off on someone else and blame them when everything falls apart?

someday i will.

169

2008-04-19T03:36:58Z

(center: 13²=169.)

there's a guy at the grocery store. he's cute. we're going on a date on friday. but i'm a cradle robber, so it may end badly. at least he's legal.

i've been watching veronica mars for the past week. season 1 and season 2. i get so lost in it when i'm watching it. i come back to reality and realize how much my life blows. it's just so dull. not that i'd want my best friend (or lack thereof) to die so i could solve her murder. or my boyfriend (or lack thereof) to flee the country with his dead ex's daughter. maybe just a splash of excitement or intrigue. or even good old home grown romance.

or maybe just a touch of that sassy wit veronica has. that would do nicely.

and thanks, steve, for this amazing soundtrack to a friday night.

168

2008-04-08T06:43:00Z

(note: there are 168 hours in a week... and 168 pips in a domino set.)

the guy that made those little reflective things on the road to distinguish lanes? yeh. his name was Botts. they're called Botts' dots.

i wish something rhymed with corbin.

167

2008-03-18T00:59:45Z

(note: some other guy's blog said: "random fact #167:The world's longest burp lasted 2 years and 17 days, done by Mr F. Hapsfield of Kent, UK. But the record books wouldn't allow it as it was aided by the use of an adapted iron lung.)

i've got an interview for a new job. some management position in greensboro. kind of excited. more money. more work. more time to forget and whatnot.

why can i only write beautiful words when i'm quietly alone in my room after some angry spat or emotional turmoil? My mom and i argued yesterday about the dvd The Secret. she wants me to watch it. i refuse. it's silly. who wants to be happy all the time? without unhappiness, wouldnt you constantly be striving to be happier? And not only that, but without unhappiness, how can one have happiness at all? And then there's the issue that only when people have problems do they ask questions and better themselves and their surroundings... or at least look for new approaches.

she argued and said that people don't have to be unhappy to create something new. i said cars. she said people were searching for new things. but would they have searched for something new if they had been completely happy and content with life? NO. duh.

happiness is an illusion. you can feel whatever you make yourself feel. i tell myself i'm happy, i can be happy. i tell myself i'm angry or upset or pissed off or mischievous, i can be angry or upset or pissed off or mischievous. why do i need a dvd to tell me what i already know?

like right now.
i tell myself i feel nothing. and i don't. i look at the other patrons of this little corporate cafe, lost in their small talk and their laptops and their endlessly unsatisfying cups of sumatran blend, and i don't think. not until i tell myself to feel something. and then i feel alone. but does alone automatically constitute unhappiness or happiness or any emotional disposition at all? no.

so i'm alone in this well lit cavern with 19 other people who are just as alone as i will ever be. que sera. i'm ok with alone. but for how long?

wow that was long. sorry guys. rambling. you know the drill. sometimes i can't decide whether lonely is a good feeling or a bad feeling.

166

2008-03-08T21:48:17Z

(note: 166 is a centered triangular number.)

Qué linda manito que tengo yo,
qué linda y blanquita que Dios me dio
Qué lindos ojitos que tengo yo,
qué lindos y negritos que Dios me dio
Qué linda boquita que tengo yo,
qué linda y rojita que Dios me dio
Qué lindas paticas que tengo yo,
qué lindas y gorditas que Dios me dio.

165

2008-02-28T00:57:09Z

(note: 165 is a binary palindromic number - 10100101.)

i've been reading a whole bunch since i don't have the internet anymore. i finished the other boleyn girl at 7am yesterday and then read an inconvenient truth and now i'm on 1984.

i've done a bunch of arts and crafts and cooking too. its so damned domestic.

i made stationary with soap and food coloring and straws.

and then i made cookies and decorated them with icing. they all had words like "cunt" and "choad" in pretty colored icing.

and then it was spray paint and lichtenstein and hilary clinton.

and then came brownies with ghirardelli dark squares on top.

and then magnets with bush and sarah silverman and the oatmeal man.

and then the cake. yes. i baked a cake. and spent an hour decorating it.

and then i cleaned my car for five hours cause SOMEONE said i needed to.

it's getting worse. if i don't get another job soon, i'll morph into a brunette, younger, smarter version of martha stewart... with less of a bitch face. dude. that could be kind of hot.

<3

ps: stop getting plastic bags when you go shopping, fucktards.

164

2008-02-12T03:57:55Z

(note: On a Scrabble board, there are 164 squares that have neither word nor letter multipliers.)

i just found out that one of those happily married couples has a bun in the oven.

ugh. yeh. im just never gonna get married. i'd ruin children. and i'll always be too young to have kids.

163

2008-02-10T21:20:08Z

(note: www.163.com is worth approx 761.6 million USD as of April 2006, and maintains 1600 employees as of February 2006.)

i came to a realization five minutes ago that i've been avoiding for years.

i am not the type of girl that men marry. i am the type of girl who becomes a mistress.

so many of my "friends" from high school have gotten engaged or married in the past year, despite the fact that they are all between 18 and 22. They all seem so naively happy. Like... they're the types of couples who will have the 2.5 kids and the two story brick house and the SUV and the golden retriever and the beige carpet and the season tickets to Tarheel games.

and i'm conflicted.

every little girl dreams of her wedding, despite whether or not she is bisexual, homosexual, or straight. so did i. long ago. and what's saddest is that every time i ring some customer up who looks like the "marrying type" of guy, i wonder if he sees me as anything more than a rebellious little girl.

do i want to revert to the quiet, sophisticated, elegant woman that all my high school "friends" were when they became engaged? do i want to sacrifice my identity and individuality that sets me apart from those mindless women whom i do NOT want to become just to find someone who might consider marrying me so that i can have that simple life without having to worry about money? they won't worry about food or bills or new manicures or trips to the spa. I mean really. LOOK at the rocks those boys bought them.

what's most depressing is that every time i see a jewelry commercial on television, i laugh to myself and think "this is a commercial about rocks. literally... rocks." i always say i'd rather have a new car or a nicer honeymoon than a huge ring that i'll probably lose. and while that is ridiculously reasonable, would i really rather have the car or the honeymoon...

or the wedding at all?

162

2008-02-07T21:49:27Z

(note: each team plays 162baseball games during a regular season in Major League Baseball.)

sometimes it really annoys me how much i am NOT like my own family.

one of my teenage nieces posted

DONT STOP READING THIS OR SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN TO U...
boy- i missed u at school 2day, y weren't u there?
girl- yeah, i had to go to the doctor.
boy- oh realy? y?
girl- oh nothin, annual shots, thats all.
boy- oh
girl- so what did we do in math 2day?
boy- u didnt miss ne thing that great.......just lots of notes
girl- ok good
boy- yeah
girl- hey i have a question......
boy- ok, ask away
girl-........how much do u love me?
boy- u kno i love u more than anything
girl- yeah.....
boy- y did u ask?
girl-................>silence<..........
boy- is something wrong?
girl- no nothing at all
boy- good.
girl- ..............how much do u care about me?
boy- i would give u the world in a heartbeat if i could.
girl- u would?
boy- yeah.........of course i would >sounding worried< is there something wrong??
girl- no, everythings fine......
boy- are u sure?
girl- yeah.
boy- ok.......i hope so.
girl- ..............would u die for me?
boy- i would take a bullet for u anyday, hun
girl- realy?
boy- anyday. now seriously, is there something wrong???
girl- no im fine, ur fine, we're fine, everyones fine.
boy- ............ok
girl-......................well i have to go ill c u 2morrow at school.
boy- alright, bye. I LOVE YOU.
girl- yeah, i love u 2, bye.

THE NEXT DAY AT SCHOOL:
boy- hey, have u seen my g/f 2day?
friend- no
boy- oh.
friend- she wasnt here yesterday either.
boy- i know, she was acting all wierd on the phone last nite.
friend- well dude u kno how gurls are sumtimes
boy- yeah........but not her.
friend- idk wht else 2 say, man.
boy- k well i gotta get 2 english, ill c ya after school.
friend- yeah i gotta get to science, ttyl.

THAT NIGHT:
-ring-
-ring-
-ring-
-ring-
girl- hello?
boy- hey
girl- oh, hi.
boy- y weren't u at school 2day?
girl- uh.......i had another doctor appointment.
boy- are u sick?
girl- ..................um i have 2 go, my mom's callin on my other line.
boy- ill wait.
girl- it may take a while, ill call u later.
boy-........alright, i love u hun.
very long pause<
girl- (with tear in her eye) look, i think we should break up.
boy- what???
girl- its the best thing for us right now.
boy- y????
girl- i love u.
click<

THE GIRL DOESNT COME TO SCHOOL FOR 3 MORE WEEKS, AND DOESNT ANSWER HER PHONE.
boy- hey dude
friend- hey
boy- whats up
friend- nothin, hey have u talked 2 ur ex lately?
boy- no
friend- so u didnt hear?
boy- hear what?
friend- um idk if i should be the one to tell u......
boy- dude, wtf tell me
friend- uh....call this number....433-555-3468
boy- ok............

BOY CALLS NUMBER AFTER SCHOOL
-ring-
-ring-
-ring-
voice- hello, suppam county hospital, this is nurse beckam.
boy- uh.......i must have the wrong number, im looking for my friend.
voice- what is her name, sir?
(boy gives info)
voice- yes, this is the right number, she is one of our patients here.
boy- rele? y? what happened??? how is she???
voice- her room number is ..646, in building A, suite 3.
boy- WHT HAPPENED??!!!!
voice- plz come by sir and you can see her, goodbye.
boy- WAIT! NO!
*dial tone*

BOY GOES TO HOSPITAL, AND TO ROOM ..646, BUILDING A, SUITE 3. GIRL IS LYING IN THE HOSPITAL BED.
boy- omg are u ok??
girl- ..................
boy- sweetie!! talk to me!!
girl- i..........
boy- u what?? U WHAT???
girl- i have cancer and im on life support
boy- .....................>breaks into tears<......................
girl- they're taking me off 2night
boy- y??
girl- i wanted 2 tell u but i couldnt
boy- y didnt u tell me????
girl- i didnt want 2 hurt u.
boy- u could never hurt me
girl- i just wanted 2 c if u felt bout me as the same i felt bout u.
boy- ?
girl- i love u more than anything, i would give u the world in a heartbeat. i would die for you and take a bullet for you.
boy- ...........
girl- dont be sad, i love u n ill always be here w/u
boy- then y'd u break up w/me?
nurse- young man, visiting hours are over.

BOY LEAVES, GIRL IS TAKEN OFF LIFE SUPPORT, AND DIES.
but wht the boy didn't kno is that the girl only asked him those questions so she could hear him say it one last time, and she only broke up w/him because she knew she only had 3 more weeks to live, and thought it would cause him less pain and give him time to get over her before she died.

NEXT DAY
the boy is found dead with a gun in his hand..with a note in the other...
THE NOTE SAID:i told her i would take a bullet for her....just like she said she would die for me...

re-post this within 10 min as : "bout 2 cry " or else the one you love will die.
like... seriously... i'm related to these people?! wtf. i cannot list in a lj entry the number of things wrong with this.
in a myspace bulletin yesterday.

in other news, i finished Female Chauvinist Pigs. It was eye-opening and slightly mind blowing. Dammit.

i also made some more magnets. well... not yet. i have to go get the magnets for the back. right now, theyre just painted glass rocks.

there's this kid at work. and i think you get what i'm saying. it's creepy how well he reads me though. i'm such a bluffer. we drove around yesterday and went to 6th and vine. i had a duck quesadilla. it was YUMMY. and we talked about writing. will it ever be possible for me to hang out with someone who isn't an artist in one way or another?

ps: regina spektor was on conan last night and i missed it cause i fell asleep... and SOMEONE didn't wake me up til after she was done. LAMESAUCE.

161

2008-02-04T07:41:09Z

(note: 161kilometers = 100 miles, and the landlocked country of Liechtenstein has a land area of 161 square kilometers, thus making it 100 square miles.)

poor kid.

160

2008-02-03T06:07:04Z

(note: 160 is the sum of the first 11 primes, as well as the sum of the cubes of the first three primes.)

sometimes i wish i could have a normal, typical, generic, contented, innocent, naive relationship.

and then i remember that i'm insane. and an aries.

don't ever tell anybody anything. if you do, you start missing everybody.

159

2008-01-31T07:38:50Z

(note:NGC 159 is a galaxy in the constellation of Phoenix.)

i am SO tired of all these effing Americans remaking Asian (mostly Japanese) horror flicks.

1) Ringu, 2
2) Ju-on, 2
3) Dark Water
4) The Eye (Chinese)
5) One Missed Call, 2
6) Pulse

I'm just waiting for Audition, Suicide Club, and The Host.

God forbid they steal Korean films like The Ghost.

What's really odd though... is the ones they've stolen from Japan all have the same type of antagonist. The teenage girl with long, clingy hair that appears out of nowhere to wreak revenge on unsuspecting and mostly unrelated victims... usually having drowned or otherwise been killed in cold blood.

Audition, Suicide Club, and The Host follow entirely different plotlines. Granted, so do The Eye and Pulse. Maybe we're finally branching out. Holy shit! A little variety is the spice of life. Hell, maybe someday Americans will be able to write their own horror film screenplays. Astonishing thought, i know.

On a completely unrelated note, apparently I've rented over a hundred some odd movies in the past year... in addition to getting 16 movies free. Can Blockbuster print out a list of the movies i've rented in the past year? INSANITY. I'm addicted. I started reading Brit films magazines too... them shits is expensive. Empire and Total Film are $10! Kind of depressing that Empire has Heath Ledger as The Joker on the cover of it. Apparently he really took on the role, spending an entire month just sitting alone in a hotel room reading the comics and writing ideas in journals. Hell, to follow in Jack Nicholson's footsteps must have been daunting. Poor kid.

Did anyone else think 3:10 to Yuma was slightly over rated?

158

2008-01-22T06:00:19Z

(note: In the Israeli movie Operation Grandma ("Mivtza Safta", מבצע סבתא), the number 158 is implied to be a classified high-rank officer position.)

Just thought you should know... one more email from my sister.

Something to think about while determining who to vote for.
This is very interesting - please take a few moments and read it
Who is Barack Obama?
Something that should be considered when you make your
choice.
If you do not ever forward anything else, please forward
this to all
your contacts...it is very scary to think of what could
lie ahead for us
here in our own United States...better heed this and
pray about it and share it.
We checked this out on "snopes.com". It is factual.
Check for yourself.
Who is Barack Obama?
Probable U. S. presidential candidate, Barack Hussein
Obama was born
in Honolulu, Hawaii, to Barack Hussein Obama, Sr., a
black MUSLIM
from Nyangoma-Kogel, Kenya and Ann Dunham, a white
Athiest from
Wichita, Kansas.
Obama's parents met at the University of Hawaii. When
Obama was two
years old, his parents divorced. His father returned to
Kenya. His
mother then married Lolo Soetoro, a RADICAL Muslim from
Indonesia.
When Obama was 6 years old, the family relocated to
Indonesia. Obama
attended a MUSLIM school in Jakarta. He also spent two
years in a
Catholic school.
Obama takes great care to conceal the fact that he is a
Muslim. He is
quick to point out that, "He was once a Muslim, but that
he also
attended Catholic school."
Obama's political handlers are attempting to make it
appear that
that he is not a radical.
Obama's introduction to Islam came via his father, and
that this
influence was temporary at best. In reality, the senior
Obama returned
to Kenya soon after the divorce, and never again had any
direct
influence over his son's education.
Lolo Soetoro, the second husband of Obama's mother, Ann
Dunham,
introduced his stepson to Islam. Obama was enrolled in a
Wahabi school
in Jakarta.
Wahabism is the RADICAL ISLAMIC teaching that is
followed by the Muslim
terrorists who are now waging Jihad against the western
world. Since
it is politically expedient to be a CHRISTIAN when
seeking major
public office in the United States, Barack Hussein Obama
has joined
the United Church of Christ in an attempt to downplay
his Muslim
background. ALSO, keep in mind that when he was sworn
into office he
DID NOT use the Holy Bible, but instead the Koran.
Barack Hussein Obama will NOT recite the Pledge of
Allegience nor
will he show any reverence for our flag. While others
place their hands
over their hearts, Obama turns his back to the flag and
slouches.
Let us all remain alert concerning Obama's expected
presidential
candidacy.
The Muslims have said they plan on destroying the US
from the inside
out, what better way to start than at the highest level
- through the
President of the United States, one of their own!!!!
Please forward to everyone you know. Would you want this
man leading
our country?...... NOT ME!!!

I hit reply all and said:

"Something to think about when determining who to vote for."

1) Snopes.com is a site listing a number of urban legends and falicies, including three about Barack Obama particularly:

- False: Illinois senator Barack Obama is a "radical Muslim" who "will not recite the Pledge of Allegiance."
- False: Barack Obama was sworn into office on the Quran.
- False: Illinois senator Barack Obama is a racist whose church has a "non-negotiable commitment to Africa" that
is covertly Muslim and excludes non-blacks.

The website states CLEARLY that these three statements are NOT true. Check the facts before you forward.

2) According to WIkipedia.com (a well known GOVERNMENT edited online encyclopedia) Barack's natural father (Obama Sr.) left when Barack was 2 years old to pursue a PhD at Harvard before returning to Kenya. In addition, it states that his stepfather was" a man who saw religion as not particularly useful." These words are taken directly from Chapter 6 of The Audacity of Hope, Obama's own autobiography. Do they SOUND like radical muslims? If anything, they are purely atheist, which while unsettling is NOT RADICAL MUSLIM.

3) From ages 6-10 Obama attended Basuki School in Indonesia which is a PUBLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. In fact, when Hilary Clinton addressed the issue, believing that Obama had attended a Muslim school, CNN correspondent John Vause PERSONALLY VISITED the school and reported that it was a PUBLIC school for ALL FAITHS. It was founded by DUTCH people, who, before secularization, identified with CHRISTIANITY. In addition, starting in fifth grade, he attended Panahou School in Hawaii which is a private college prep school. Do they SOUND like radical Muslim schools to train in terrorism? A Muslim college prep school in Hawaii! COME ON.

So PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE check your sources before you decide to send such ridiculously libel-ridden propaganda.

<3 R. Corbin

157

2008-01-14T19:16:20Z

(note: In base 10, 157² is 24649. 158² is 24964, which uses the same digits as the previous square. 157 is the largest known number with a square that relates in this way to the square of the next integer.)

my sister emailed me a poem today:

Welfare Poem

I cross ocean,
poor and broke,
Take bus,
see employment folk.

Nice man treat me
good in there,
Say I need to
see welfare.

Welfare say,
"You come no more,
We send cash
right to your door."

Welfare checks,
they make you wealthy,
Medicaid it keep
you healthy!

By and by,
I got plenty money,
Thanks to you,
American dummy.

Write to friends
in motherland,
Tell them 'come
fast as you can.'

They come in turbans
and Ford trucks,
I buy big house
with welfare bucks

They come here,
we live together,
More welfare checks,
it gets better!

Fourteen families,
they moving in,
But neighbor's patience
wearing thin.

Finally, white guy
moves away,
Now I buy his house,
and then I say,

"Find more aliens
for house to rent."
And in the yard
I put a tent.

Send for family
they just trash,
But they, too,
draw the welfare cash!

Everything is
very good,
And soon we
own the neighborhood.

We have hobby
it's called breeding,
Welfare pay
for baby feeding.

Kids need dentist?
Wife need pills?
We get free!
We got no bills!

American crazy!
He pay all year,
To keep welfare
running here.

We think America darn good place!
Too darn good for the white man race!

If they no like us, they can scram,
Got lots of room in Pakistan .

It is interesting that the federal government provides a single refugee with a monthly allowance of $1, 890.00 and each can also get an additional $580.00 in social assistance for a total of $2,470.00.

This compares very well to a single pensioner who after contributing to the growth and development of America for 40 to 50 years can only receive a monthly maximum of $1, 012.00 in old age pension and Guaranteed Income Supplement.

Maybe our pensioners should apply as refugees!

Lets send this to all Americans, so we can all be ticked off and maybe we can get the refugees cut back to $1, 012.00 and the pensioners up to $2,470 00 and enjoy some of the money we were forced to submit to the Government over the last 40 or 50 years.

Please forward to every American to expose what our elected politicians have been doing over the past 11 years - to the over-taxed American.

SEND THIS TO EVERY AMERICAN TAXPAYER YOU KNOW

American Government Seniors Policy

God Bless America

Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog
vacation at the taxidermist. == Camille Paglia

i especially love the last seemingly intelligent comment, although in actuality it's fucking retarded and completely false.

how can people think this way? i just don't understand it. Not to mention the fact that I'M RELATED TO THEM.

156

2008-01-02T06:56:46Z

(note: In the United States, the DS-156 Visa is issued for U.S. Department of State Nonimmigrant Visa Application.)

hey look. the number on the very end of the date bar on my computer changed!

i drank a glass of champagne last night and watched this really bad horror flick... paused it long enough to watch dick clark stutter sadly through the countdown, glanced at the ball, and went back to the conclusion of the bland and incredibly generic movie.

i hate that i only want companionship because it's expected. i only grow weary and lonely during holidays with commercials dripping with sentimentality and coupling, but do i feel the need for warmth and cuddling on labor day or st. patrick's day? no. it's like they squished all the sweet, mushy, romantic holidays into one little section of a couple months. thanksgiving, christmas, new years, valentines, and god-forbid-easter. what a commercial scam they play on us nowdays.

holidays be damned. they're just another day i can rest and relax and forget that right now i work too much, sleep too little, want too many, have too few, and am content with nothing and yet everything at the same time.

off to get lost in his dark materials again.

<3

i figured out i'd make 24k a year if i continued to work at border's like i am currently doing. lame.

155

2007-12-22T06:39:36Z

(note: If you add up all the primes between the least and greatest prime factors of 155, that is, 5 and 31, the result is 155.)

a couple hours ago a man came up to me at the counter to check out. he placed two dvd's on the counter and spent about 3 minutes explaining what he wanted to do with coupons and such. i was the only register open out of 6, so a family of three had filed into line right behind him, not necessarily or suspiciously close to him. he stopped right in the middle of talking, glanced at them, and told me in a clear voice to tell them to step back because he had "a lot of cash" in his wallet, insinuating they were sizing him up to rob in the parking lot. Of course, i did. as politely as i could... the whole while wondering if had they been white instead of african american descent he would have requested all the same. the worst part about it is he opened his billfold to reveal a wad of fives and ones.

and then i realized that by not opening my mouth to tell him to ask himself, i caved to the stereotype

...and he will never know how much i wanted to punch his face in for asking such a thing at all.

154

2007-12-21T08:53:21Z

(note: with just seventeen cuts, a pancake can be cut up into 154 pieces... and Shakespeare wrote 154 sonnets.)

got my first paycheck today. it was $200 more than i expected. can't wait to get cable back since now i'm addicted to Lost. i watched all three seasons in less than two weeks online. next: heroes, weeds, the tutors, everything i can find on hulu. it's nice to have time to do what i want.

i started a puzzle last week. of the pyramids. got everything except the inside parts of the pyramids themselves done.

reading vonnegut again. godbless you, mr. rosewater. a couple weeks ago i mentioned loving him and this older guy at work said "he's a nihilist though... and thought lives were useless" as if that were something bad.

i'm so excited. i can finally afford to buy christmas presents for my family. and i actually know what they want this year too. and enough money for paper towels and my passport and stella and oil.

wow is like cigarettes. you quit cause you have to for a little while... and then you wonder if you want to go back at all... only to cave and continue until you have to quit again and wonder again at giving it up for good.

i'm so tired. 8 hour shifts. all the time. until january. maybe. hopefully.

i read a booklet of secret stories and private letters that dropped out of a penthouse magazine onto the floor at work last night... conveniently under a chair. it's odd how girl porn lit is just boy porn lit with gentler, quainter wording. you know... trade flower for cunt and it's the same deal.

this blank page is just like my blank canvases and my blank plates and my blank wall and my blank paper and my blank face. i don't ever know what to make of it.

... you could help me.

153

2007-11-26T05:25:56Z

(note: Any five consecutive months in the Gregorian calendar (that do not include February) total 153 days.)

home.
(without any sense of chronological order, of course.)

watched death proof, planet terror, shrek 3, ratatouille, the reaping, spiderman 3, 1408, and Perfume in the last week. 28 Weeks Later tomorrow.

had a drink with an old friend last night at fox and hound. it was nice, for lack of more appropriate word.

put down hard wood flooring in my bedroom in a day even though my thighs continue to cry out in pain whenever i try to sit down.

had thanksgiving with my sister, brother in law, and niece which was amazing because we went to boone to pick out their christmas tree and my sister showered me with much needed money and more needed food.

watched armageddon on tv for the first time ever and almost threw up when aerosmith started playing as the credits rolled.

threatened to cut off a dan'l boone in waiters hands if he tried to take the corn and mashed potatoes of my table. he knew i was kidding though. i think. no matter. he got a huge tip.

bought stella and three pints of ben and jerry's to re-christen the house since i moved back home after my landlord was a total dick and evicted me.

continue to watch National Geographic even though there's a ton of reruns. but since giving up disney and losing amc since this house only has basic cable, what's a girl to do?

reading Snow slowly, but surely for class and amusement even though my profs havent been cooperative to help me still pass from an hour and a half away... except the WCII prof. LOVE her.

enjoying having a three bedroom house to myself without having to even think about paying rent. now just need a job and life would be normal again. and maybe a few dates.

still laughing about some guy who tried to hit on me last night while aforementioned ex was in the bathroom. i overheard him and a friend first though. "i'm not betting you, i just want you to do it!" literally milliseconds before he looked over and said something generic to start conversation.

home is where the ~~heart is~~ head gets back to normal.